Serious Business

Not wanting to be left out in the cold, I took Monday off along with all the other lucky souls who were giving it off to relax and enjoy some R&R. Despite that, early on in the day I got pulled into helping a friend with some time critical work. The better part of my afternoon and night was spent doing research and testing out different technologies that really sparked a fire in me. It brought me back to place I had almost forgot existed; where work becomes fun. It didn’t even matter that I wasn’t getting paid or that it was my day off, I truly enjoyed tackling the problem and planning out / implementing solutions. Throughout the day and even now the only thought in my head is “why cant I make that a career?”

When I think back to early 2009 when I put this site up, I remember how hopeful I was at the prospect of a fresh start in my career. I was spending my days happily coding away on whatever project I pleased producing really awesome tools and generally getting back to the roots of my love for all things tech. I cant remember a time when I was happier (or poorer). In my bliss I imagined that ‘this could be every day of my life’. Work with some really cool tech with the freedom to explore, learn, and succeed all on my own? Yes please.

Then the real world caught up with me.

It’s a shame how life works out sometimes, but we take it in stride and push forward. I’ve fallen into a job that had a lot of similarities to the last job I had, yet at the same time is still very different. The people I have the pleasure of working directly with are truly passionate about the work they do day in an day out. As refreshing as it was to see my coworkers seemly enjoy their work, it made me realize that my love for that type of task was quickly fading. Today, I can feel those times in the days when work becomes work. To be honest, I cant remember a day where the office gave off any sense of drive other than emergency issues which really just equates to enormous amounts of stress. I hear the comments like “you should find new problems to keep yourself interested” or “self motivation is key” and I just shake my head. “What world do they live in?” is all I can think in response. I have all the negatives of having someone above me in a management roll without any of those really important perks.

• Yes my hours are somewhat flexible.
• No I cant spend a few hours to make system A instantly more useful.
• Yes I’m not overly micro-manged.
• No we cant just get something done, we need to play the office politics game and drag this out _years_.

“Oh but ____ is shielding you from _____.”
*rant* Really? Did I ask for that? Do I need that? I’m a big boy, I can handle myself. I don’t need you to speak for me. In most cases, I don’t want you to. How about you ask me what my thoughts on a subject are? How about we talk at all. In a year and a half, I’ve never really had a one on one with my manager. I’ve never really had more than a handful of three minute group discussions with them. I’m not an incapable human being; I can produce and clearly present well informed opinions and ideas. Please, if you must sit on that tier above me in the or chart and insist of directing my work, do me the kindness of talking to me. Thank you. */rant*

Every day is a constant reminder as to how unimportant we (the employees) are to my company. As I suspect it is with most companies, I generally feel that the higher-ups do not care one way or the other about anyone below them and to some extent I suspect many of them make the majority of their decisions based on how it helps them personally, not their people. My belief is that my current job is to develop tools and processes to make the lives of other employees easier so that they can work more effectively. If I do my job well everyone prospers all the way up the chain. I could do this in a number of places, but at this point I go into meetings (not that we have any) with suggestions that I’m already expecting to get shot down. It’s depressing and over the course of my tenure has inspired a level of cynicism that I didn’t know I was capable of.

I’m not oblivious to the fact that this is most likely what I can expect this from a lot of places. I believe our entire industry is plagued with poor or just outright bad management personnel and practices. I know I’m not alone in saying that there is a growing subdivision of young companies that are challenging the way the workplace looks and operates. I look and see these other companies; their team building events and employee benefits, their general ‘do good’ attitudes and well meaning company visions that give their people a reason to want to go to work every day. They recognize that they’re asking someone to dedicate a part of their life for the companies success; in turn, if it works out they take care of their people. Everyone wants the company to succeed. It’s no longer ‘just a job’, it’s what they want to be doing every day.

I want that.

ps: if this post doesn’t say have ‘career suicide’ stamped all over it, i don’t know what will.

Went through all the effort to get this up, then realized it was hard to keep my focus on a blog when I was working on so many other cool things. That said, I figure its time for an update and hopefully more frequent ones from now on.

My life has been slowly spiraling out of control this past month or so; both of my cattes got very ill, one of my teeth cracked pretty hardcore on a carrot and I have no dental insurance, and MD decided to totally fuck me on my car registrations and suspended it. My one skinny catte, Pipper, has kidney disease which requires this awful process of giving her fluids twice a week + other meds. The other catte (Pudge) got a clot in his front foot which led to xrays (which showed possible lung cancer) and an ultrasound of his heart (which is healthy). $1000 and 6 hours later we were told ‘good luck’ and he is now on blood thinner meds and still needs to get checked out about his lungs. I love them to death and have had them since they where a few days old. I cannot imagine what it will be like to not have them around. This next year (if that) is going to be emotionally brutal.

All of this shit was all followed by a giant chunk of my tooth just cracking off on a Friday night eating  a carrot. Needless to say this pretty much puts me in a super shitty position of having to take a job simply to get dental insurance. I cannot afford to get it fixed any other way, and after two weeks of living with it, I’m starting to really freak out about it… wish things didn’t always cost so much money.

I’m still “funemployed” after being turned down for the only job I really wanted because of computer stuff I did a long time ago. Got back in touch with the jobs I turned down earlier this year and I’m now slowly working my way through the process of figuring out which one I’ll be happiest at. I just need to take one and get back on my feet. Hopefully it wont be so bad and I’ll enjoy the work I’m doing. It’s truly amazing to me that I cannot find a job doing security (it would appear that without a clearance this is impossible) or some awesome development position. At this point I figure i’ve got something good comming my way in the near future. Life cant possibly continue to shit on me after this, can it?  Wish me luck.

I’ve got a couple projects in the pipe that I’m going to talk about this week and maybe a presentation or two to give in the near future. Time will tell.